Awareness of what presents itself to me involves a double movement of attention: silencing the familiar and welcoming the strange. Each time I approach a strange object, person, or event, I have a tendency to let my present needs, past experience, or expectations for the future determine what I will see. If I am to appreciate the uniqueness of any datum, I must be sufficiently aware of my preconceived ideas and characteristic emotional distortions to bracket them long enough to welcome strangeness and novelty into my perceptual world. The discipline of bracketing, compensating, or silencing requires sophisticated self-knowledge and courageous honesty. Yet, without this discipline each present moment is only the repetition of something already seen or experienced. In order for genuine novelty to emerge, for the unique presence of things, persons or events to take root in me, I must undergo a decentralization of the ego.

-Sam Keen, “To A Dancing God.”

— I have become aware of how intricately tangled my decision making is and how many knots there are in my thinking. I’m caught up in a mess of regrets and mistaken identity (of myself and others). Determined, as I am, to know and do God’s will in my life, I find that once again I have taken control, striving to right the wrong choices of my past. I believe that God will continue to teach a lesson until we learn it. But I see how complicated I’ve made this current decision and I’m starting to think maybe I’ve been wrong about what God’s trying to teach me. I think it’s time to shed that confused and complicated past and look my life and myself with new eyes. Times have changed, I’m a different person than I was five years ago. A smart choice five years ago, or even 5 months ago, might be a foolish decision now.