No matter what changes God has wrought in you, never rely upon them, build only on a Person, the Lord Jesus Christ, and on the Spirit he gives.
-Oswald Chambers, from January 5th of ‘My Utmost For His Highest’.
Looking back on the last five years of my life (in the literal sense of re-reading all my old journals), I was amazed by how much I’ve changed, how different the choices I would make in the face of similar circumstances. But I also saw how little I’ve changed. How I still struggle with the same sins, how I’m still confused and tormented by the same old emotions and thoughts.
But the thing I’ve learned is that God wants me to trust Him, not the changes I’ve made or my own feeble abilities. I think somewhere along the line I got the idea that God would be proud of my self sufficiency, that being able to do it on my own would bring glory and honor to God. But thats simply not true. The sacrifices of God are a broken and contrite heart. When I incline my heart to His and rely solely on His strength and wisdom, that is when I am actually honoring God with my actions. Rather than striving for the self sufficiency of adulthood in my faith, I need to return to the childlike faith and trusting in my Father.